


You got stitches too

by Close_enough_to_lose



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Attempts at drunk sex, First Meeting, Fluff, M/M, Sharing a Bed, Trans Male Character, Trans Solidarity, both of them are trans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-03-01 05:38:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18794077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Close_enough_to_lose/pseuds/Close_enough_to_lose
Summary: It was the first time Murdoc met someone with scars like his





	You got stitches too

**Author's Note:**

  * For [androgynope](https://archiveofourown.org/users/androgynope/gifts).



> Warning: this is so cheesy that if you didn’t have lactose intolerance before, you will develop it after reading.
> 
> I didn’t spend a lot of time editing, so please let me know if you notice any typos!

Murdoc disliked feeling vulnerable. Vulnerability, he knew from past experience, led to no good, in every context he could think of. It led to being used, abused, and humiliated. So, for example, whenever he slept with someone, it was often with someone whose name he forgot the next day, or in the dark, or under the influence of drugs, and often, all three at once. The anonymity allowed him to take his distance, the obscurity protected him from being truly seen, and the drugs numbed any negative feelings he might have about his encounters otherwise. Did he, on some mornings, feel regret his adventures? Maybe. But he would never admit that to himself, nor would he change, because facing his discomfort would mean there was something wrong, and there was nothing wrong Murdoc Niccals, or so he convinced himself. He would proudly tell anyone that he was having the time of his life.

At the apogee of his fame, he lost himself in alcohol, drugs, parties, and one night stands. Pleasure was at his fingertips, and he drowned himself in it. He had no memory of most of his days, only snippets of sounds and sensations which he could not trace to any source. 

One night, however, the routine broke. At one of the endless parties he attended during his travels with Gorillaz, he met a handsome tall stranger who insisted on wearing shades indoors, and whose face was strangely familiar, but Murdoc could not place where he had seen it before. Things clicked between them, and the stranger invited Murdoc to spend the night at his apartment. When they arrived, Murdoc pulled him closer, urging him to lead the way to the bedroom and leaving sloppy kisses on his mouth as he leaned on him with nearly all his weight. Murdoc stumbled in the corridor leading to the bedroom, and though he was ungraceful, he quickly recovered. Nevertheless, it alarmed the stranger, who immediately stopped in his tracks. 

“Hold up. You're way more wasted than I thought,” he said, taking some distance but still supporting Murdoc.

“Who me? Bollocks. I don't get drunk,” Murdoc replied between two hiccups. He broke away from the stranger’s arms and leaned on the wall instead to mask his disorientation. The stranger was not too convinced.

“Walk then,” he ordered. “Without leaning on the wall”

“Come on, Alex, I'm in tip top shape”

“You forgot my name,” he sighed, removing his shades and placing them in his pocket.

“Sorry love, I’m not great with names. Meeting lots of new people every day, you know how it gets,” Murdoc slurred. “What is your name then, pretty boy?”

“It's Ace. And you, Murdoc, are going to bed now.”

Murdoc grinned.

“To bed, you say?”

“Not in a sexy way”

Murdoc's face instantly fell. Ace gave him a pitying smile.

“Come on, let's go. I'll help you.”

Ace hooked his arm behind Murdoc's back, and as soon as he did so, he felt dragged down Murdoc, who was doing nothing to support his own body. Doesn't get drunk my ass, Ace thought. Fortunately, the bedroom was not too far away, and Ace managed to heave Murdoc the rest of the way without much trouble.

“I got only one bed, so we'll still have to sleep side by side. Don't try anything funny. I've seen your type before,” Ace said as he lowered Murdoc into the bed and took his shoes and jacket off for him.

“By ‘your type’, you mean devastatingly handsome?” Murdoc took a guess.

Ace decided to ignore the remark, though in other circumstances he wouldn’t deny that Murdoc had a certain charm. A moment of silence followed as Ace changed his clothes, opting to wear nothing but his pajama pants. Meanwhile, Murdoc was doing his best to get out of his remaining clothes, with limited success. In the span of a few minutes, he managed to strip down until he wore only his underwear. Ace tossed him an old t-shirt of his, which Murdoc put on inside out. Ace glanced at him from behind, and Murdoc sensed the heavy gaze.

“You know Ace, I'm used to shagging drunk,” he said.

“That's …” Ace struggled to find the right words for what was a mix of sadness and concern. He made his way to the bed, laying down facing Murdoc.

“That's what?” Murdoc looked at him intently.

“It’s … I don't know. How do you even feel anything if you're always this smashed?”

Murdoc let out a laugh, “I don't. That's the magic of it!”

Ace did not know how to handle that information, especially for someone he barely knew. Someone, he felt, would never reveal that kind of thing if he wasn't under the influence of God knew how many substances. So he kept Murdoc talking instead.

“But don't you sometimes want to feel something?”

Murdoc's expression instantly changed to one of hunger and need. He lifted his hand up to Ace's face, tracing his cheek with his thumb

“Well, you are a handsome one …” Murdoc trailed off.

Ace took Murdoc's hand and gently placed it away. “No, definitely not what I meant right now.”

Murdoc persisted, now feeling Ace's chest.

“What do you mean then?” Murdoc breathed, still attempting to flirt.

But before Ace could say anything, Murdoc traced the outline of the surgical scar on his chest, and stopped without further argument.

Ace froze. He did not know if Murdoc’s reaction was a good or a bad sign. He knew exactly why Murdoc stopped, it could not be a coincidence. One night stands did not usually notice them. If Murdoc, drunk as he was, discerned the scars, it meant that he knew what to look for, which, depending on circumstances, could be a cause for either alarm or relief.

“You …” Murdoc said, doing nothing to appease Ace's inner turmoil with his cryptic tone.

“Yeah?” Ace prompted, trying to keep his voice steady to hide his growing anxiety.

“You've got stitches too,” Murdoc murmured, any trace of his previous playfulness gone from his voice.

“Oh?” Ace was still not sure what Murdoc meant, but he was not longer afraid.

“Look,” Murdoc urged, clumsily grabbing Ace's hand and pulling it towards him. “‘m not flirting,” Murdoc reassured when he felt Ace resist. When Ace relaxed his arm, Murdoc pulled it under his shirt and placed the younger man's hand on his chest. Ace gently traced Murdoc's chest, just like he did earlier, and felt scars similar to his on the older man's pectorals.

“You too…” Ace whispered.

“Yeah,” Murdoc smiled in reply, and blamed the tears forming in the corners of his eyes on the alcohol.

Ace slid his hand out of the shirt, and cupped Murdoc's cheek with it.

“Hey Murdoc, can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

“Is that … is that why you always get drunk like that before sex?”

“Maybe. Partly. I don't know.”

“Because if it is, you … you don't have to hide from me like that.”

Murdoc tensed for a second, then melted into Ace's touch. “I … okay.”

“I really like you, but I don't want do accidentally hurt you when you're vulnerable like this, alright?”

Murdoc wanted to say that he felt much more vulnerable when he was sober, he wanted to say that he was terrified of being aware of every inch of his body, but none of it came out. He had never taken the time to be sincere with any of his one night stands -- it was never something he considered necessary or even beneficial. And on the moment, the unfamiliarity of it all made him feel anxious, even under the numbing influence of alcohol. Ace sensed the tension, and traced circles on Murdoc's skin with his thumb.

“You don't have to if you don't want to anymore,” Ace said.

“No, that's not …” Murdoc hesitated. “I'm just real bloody tired,” he sighed.

Ace hummed in agreement.

“Will I see you in the morning?”

Murdoc pondered over the question. Ace was a stranger. Murdoc could leave him and face no consequence, nor cause much of a heartbreak. But Ace was also the first person he met that had scars like his. He was the first one night stand who took the time to check if he was doing fine, who spoke to him at length. A one night stand who hasn’t slept with him, Murdoc pointed out to himself. This was an entirely new type of relationship for Murdoc, and he didn't know if he was ready to jump into the unknown. But his adventurousness from earlier that night hadn't faded.

“Sure thing, handsome,” Murdoc replied, resting his hand on Ace's waist. Ace smiled at him sweetly, reaching to remove Murdoc's bangs from his face.

“Goodnight then, Murdoc”

“Night.”

It was the first time Murdoc fell asleep in a stranger's bed without being completely spent. The next day, the daylight pulled Murdoc out of his sleep, the buzz from the alcohol no longer muddying his thoughts. For a second, he had forgotten where he was, alarmed that he allowed himself to get so comfortable in an unfamiliar place. Before he could panic, he caught Ace's features in the corner of his eye. He stirred in his sleep, seemingly from Murdoc's sudden movements. Murdoc's heartbeat immediately slowed down. He traced Ace's near invisible chest scars with his eyes. He admired how the sunlight glimmered on the younger man's soft, dark lashes. He revelled in the calm that Ace's presence brought him.

Ace's eyes fluttered open. He rubbed them sleepily and focused his vision. At the sight of Murdoc, his expression brightened.

“You're here,” Ace said.

“Good morning, Ace,” Murdoc replied with a grin

He remembered his name. He was in broad daylight. He was sober

And Murdoc was not afraid.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I promise I’ll get back to working on my longfic soon. If you enjoyed, don’t hesitate to leave kudos and comment :)


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